


Adventures In The Afterlife

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Jim and Bones are dead, Sparkles, Spirit! Bones, bones has wings, but having fun in the afterlife, crackfic, spirit! Jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:53:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8361898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: After dying together heroically, Jim and Bones explore the heavenly realms and play around in their spirit forms.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Loyalty, but Jim and Bones stay dead. (Their bodies, anyway)

Bones: "Whoa, Jim, you're sparkling!!!"

Jim: "You like my non-corporeal duds, Bones?"

Bones: "A bit ostentatious, don't you think?" 

Jim: "Better than your weird Cupid wings." 

Bones :"Ahem, these are actually functional. Can you fly?" (Flaps around Jim in demonstration) 

Jim:"Nope, unfortunately, but I can apparate." (Disappears and reappears several yards away) 

Bones: "Sweet. Would have come in handy in life. Escape from nosy media and annoying captains and such." 

Jim: "Yep. It's The drawbacks of a mortal body, Bones, no supernatural perks. Now we can haunt people. How about we pay Spock a visit?"

Bones: "Real tactless, Jim. You obviously didn't see him cry when you forsook your earthly vessel."

Pike: "Is that what they're calling it now?"  
(Bones flutters in shock, Jim sparkles violently)

Bones: (incredulously) "Admiral Pike?"

Pike: "That's what they called me, yes. Son, what in the world are you two doing here already?"

(Jim looks guiltily at the clouds.)   
Jim: "You see sir, the Enterprise was going to crash because the Warp core was misaligned and we had no power. As Captain, it was my duty to save the crew. So I went in. Bones here, being an insubordinate officer, disobeyed and decided to follow me. We both died of radiation, but we saved the ship." (Sheepishly smiles)

Pike: (Sigh, facepalm) "I see you did learn a thing or two from that Nibiru debacle, but I didn't think you'd go to such extremes."

Jim: "Well, I'm a Kirk, aren't I?" 

Pike: "Point taken. George can't wait to meet you, by the way. He's bursting with pride." 

Jim: "He's here?" (More excited sparkling)

Pike: "You better believe it. So's your dad." (Gestures to Bones)

Jim: (eagerly) "Where can I find him?" 

Pike: "Go down the golden street about two miles, he's in the third mansion on the left, just past the cloud shaped like Joan of Arc." 

(Jim apparates away, heavenly glow littering the ground with sparkles behind him.)

Bones: (looking around) "I'll admit, this is not what I expected from the afterlife."

Pike: "Me neither, but I like it."

Bones: "Please tell me Marcus isn't here. He's kind of responsible for all our deaths. That might be awkward." 

Pike: "Oh, no. Never. He's stuck in the grey lands below. I can't believe he betrayed us like that." 

Bones: "Yeah. Poor Carol had to see it all happen." 

Pike:(Grimaces) "Bright woman. I hope she has a nice, long life ahead of her."

Bones:"Me too. If I hadn't departed the physical realm, I would have definitely been interested." 

Pike: "What is it with you and fancy-schmancy lingo? You died, plain and simple. Everybody here has. Sugar-coating it won't make you any less dead."

Bones: (Sighs, grumbles) "I'm still getting used to it, okay? If you'll excuse me, I'm going to find Jim." (Flies away, leaving Pike shaking his head) 

(Jim is seen seated on a bench shaped cloud talking excitedly to a blonde man who can only be George Kirk)

Jim: "Hey, Bones! Come meet my dad!!  
Dad, this is my best friend Leonard, but I call him Bones." 

(Bones flaps over and shakes hands with George, who is surrounded by an ethereal glow)

George: "Pleased to meet you, Leonard. I hear you were great to my boy and I'm very grateful. Dare I ask how you got that nickname?" (Winks at Jim, who blushes and shakes his head)

Jim: "Not like that, Dad!! He told me his ex took everything but his bones, so that's what I called him. Got him conditioned Pretty well, I think."

Bones: (rolling his eyes) "You infant! How did I ever put up with you?" 

Jim: "I don't know, Bones. Guess it's just my irresistible charm." (More sparkling) 

George: (Chuckling) "He gets it from his mom. Winona always had that sass about her and I loved it.  
How about you tell me what you've been up to for your 25 years on earth, Jimmy?"

Jim: "Its a long story."

George: "We've got time, son, all of eternity, in fact. None of us are going anywhere." 

Jim: "True. Well it all started......"


	2. Snark At The Funeral

Jim: "Well, that was depressing enough."

Bones: "Don't complain to me! You were the one that insisted on haunting our funerals."

Jim: "Its really eerie being a disembodied spirit and looking down at your own corpse. I looked pretty good though, for being dead."

Bones: "Of course you'd say that, you egoist! The funeral home workers did their jobs all right: All cleaned up and gussied up in our grey dress unis. Heck, they even made ME presentable and that's sayin' something. I would have been fine with a plain ole wood box rather than that fancy silver casket, though."

Jim: "Starfleet doesn't go for plain and simple, Bones. You know that. We're heroes, after all!! (Sparkles in satisfaction) "I actually like the jet black number they picked to contain my mortal remains. I'm just amazed they put our plots next to each other."

Bones: "After you kicked the bucket, I told Spock to make sure they buried me beside you, and he promised, so there we are." (motions to a grassy knoll with two open graves in the cemetery they are currently hovering over)

Jim: (wincing) "Such a crude term, Bones, but thank you. I prefer "breathed my last" by the way, just so you know." 

Bones: (snorts) "Whatever. Bought the farm, kicked the bucket, deceased, expired, flatlined, its all the same to me." 

Jim: (writing down things in his little notebook of synonyms) "I was really touched by Spock's speech. You think he felt the hug I gave him?"

Bones: "Given the way he shivered, yes. They only feel us as a cold wind." 

Jim: (sparkles thoughtfully) "I'm glad he has Uhura to comfort him. If they get married, I'm totally crashing the wedding." 

Bones: "Poor Carol looked wrecked, going back and forth between us, crying her eyes out. I wanted to tell her it's okay, We're happy now, but she couldn't hear me." (Wings flutter sadly)

Jim: "I think she'll be okay, Bones. Scotty was with her and he'll be helpful to her, I just know." (Smiles secretly) 

Bones: (huffing) "Let me guess, you helped things along?" 

Jim: (sparkling proudly) "Yep! I hugged her in front of Scotty so she'd shiver and he'd offer her his jacket. Worked like a charm. Maybe my new calling is heavenly matchmaker, Bones!" 

Bones: (groans and covers his eyes) "You're hopeless, Jim! How in the world can I put up with you for all eternity?   
I've had enough of this pomp and circumstance. Half of the "mourners" never spoke to us. They're only there out of curiosity. And It's time for us to be off. I'm playing pool with Pike in an hour." 

Jim: "You've got it Bones! I'm gonna take Grandpa Tiberius at chess, too. Goodbye to this vale of tears! So long, Spock!" (Waves at the first officer, who is still standing in front of the graves.) 

(They launch themselves upward, leaving behind a trail of sparkles and a stray feather or two that come to rest on the coffins. Spock rubs his eyes and wonders what that peculiar streak in the sky was.)


	3. Wedding Crashers

Jim: "Such a lovely ceremony." (Sniffles and wipes heavenly tears away watching Spock and Uhura declared husband and wife) 

Bones: "Pretty nice. Spock didn't know he had two extra groomsmen." (Chuckles slyly) 

Jim: (grins fondly) "Nope. And Uhura is the loveliest bride I've ever seen. Did you see his face when she came toward him?" 

Bones: "Sure did. The hobgoblin looked like he was going to show emotion!" 

Jim: (gasps dramatically) "Wonder of wonders!!" 

Bones: "The bad part is, we won't be able to partake of any of the cake, since we're spirits." 

Jim: (makes sad face) "Yeah. But they made a lovely memorial table for Spock's mom and us." (Apparates to the end of the room)

Bones: (flutters over and looks on with interest)

Jim: (reading) "In memory of Amanda Grayson, James T. Kirk, and Dr. Leonard H. McCoy: people who shaped our lives and left us much too soon. We will never forget." (Sighs)  
"Being dead sucks, but it was worth it so they'd live to see this day. Right, Bones?"

Bones: (puts an arm around sparkly Jim) "Right, Jim. And I wanted to see if Vulcans could actually kiss human style."

Jim: (glitters in amusement) "Well, obviously, judging by the way Spock skillfully handled that. I'd give it an eight out of ten on the hotness scale." 

Bones: "Hey, Look at Scotty escorting Carol. They're pretty cozy right now." (Watches them flirt adorably)

Jim: "See? Told you my new role is matchmaker!!" (Sparkles smugly) 

Bones: (groans) "You're unbelievable, Jim. Taking all the credit, as usual."

Jim: "Well, I can't help it I'm an expert in the romance division." 

Bones: "That's highly debatable. You went to the grave hopelessly single." 

Jim: (sputtering) "At least I had dates up until the day before my heroic demise!! You acted like women had the plague and then awkwardly flirted with Carol. Not exactly Cupid, you were." 

Bones: (ruffles feathers in agitation) "I was waiting for the right one! Didn't want a repeat of Jocelyn, that's all." 

(Jim suddenly perks up, glittering intently)

Jim: "Look, Bones! I see some hot Vulcan making out going on!! Did you see what they did with their hands?"

Bones: (squinting) "Oh, yeah. Whoa. Spock's gettin' frisky with those fingers."(Cringes) "I really didn't need to see that, dammit, Jim! I'm a spirit, not a voyeur!" (Rolls eyes)  
"I think I'll head back to the Great Beyond now. My great-granny wants to hear all the juicy details. She loved weddings in her time on earth."

Jim: "You're such a party pooper even in the afterlife, Bones. I'm going to stick around and watch the holo pics taken. Maybe try to haunt Scotty." 

Bones: "Suit yourself. Don't accidentally show yourself and scare anybody into a heart attack. You've already made three ladies faint." 

Jim: "I got carried away. Don't worry, Bones, I won't ruin Spock and Uhura' bliss with my ghostly tricks." (Waves as Leonard flutters away) "They were just overcome by my stunning good looks." (Giggles and sparkles happily.)


End file.
